Shopping with kids. Extended version.

Since my husband works from home, I try not to use him as a "babysitter"...which means I take the kids with me wherever I go. Usually that means I have at least 4 of them, since the other older two are usually in free daycare school. But now it's summer time....

Going anywhere with 4 kids aged 6 and under and then 2 more takes intense planning. My two youngest are ages 2 years and 8 months, and they differ in weight by 5 pounds (no, I'm not joking.) The two "middles" are age just 5 and just turned 6, and these two also differ less than 5 pounds in weight. If my other two go with, their ages are 13 going on 22 and 9. And no, their weights do not differ by 5 pounds....(that would be scary...)

So, you really need to go to Target with your kids, Eh? I have a few tips...

• You can't go on a day after you or any kid has been up all night. Period. Tiredness is not to be taken lightly. Kids are supposed to get sleep before state MCA tests at school. Moms need sleep before shopping with said kids. End of story.
• You can't go on a day where you have any other plans for that day or evening. By the time you get home, you will be so exhausted because going anywhere with that many kids is like doing one of those 20k mud-run ice-man things. With a kid hanging on each leg needing a diaper change. And the baby strapped to your back. With a purse on one arm, and the full diaper bag on the other. And a full bladder. 
• Do go in the morning. If you attempt a trip to the land of Tar-jay during naptime, you will arrive in the land of piss and vinegar. Don't attempt under any circumstances.
• DO go in with a list. Extra points for it being organized by the walk around the store "in order of appearance."
• Do not attempt to bring toys from home. They will get lost, you will get pissed if you have to retrace your steps, and the baby will have more fun chewing the tags off of all of the items in your cart, anyway. 
• DO NOT- I repeat, DO NOT get one of those super-long carts that are the size of a minivan with the kid-seats or the damn car in the front. Save those for the grandmas leisurely out wandering the aisles with one kid. All that's going to happen is the kids are gonna get bored and end up hiding everywhere walking along with you, and you are going to ram everyone in the ankles. Just be the mean mommy and say NO!
• Don't waste your time getting a Starbucks or a fancy coffee. You'll just be all sad when you have to chug it like a 19 year old at a kegger when the cops show up just to free your hands to chase down the evil rabid lemurs kids that are hiding from you.
• DO NOT look around when one of your kids starts screaming and throwing a tantrum. Even the best behaved kids get sick and tired of walking through the bra aisle with you while you try to find the perfect bra to lift those poor, sad, pathetic excuses for teats into noticeable cleavage for your special annual date with Daddy. You don't want to see the condescending, disapproving looks that the perfectly manicured "perfect" moms with the single children in their perfectly matched Gymboree outfits are shooting you.
• That being said, if you see a fellow mom deep in the trenches of a battle with a screamer, please give her a sympathetic look, and step quickly out of the way. Do not say to your own little Jimmy, "See how that boy is being naughty! I'm sooo glad you are behaving!"......You are responsible for whatever wrath she heaps upon your head. We are in this together. Next time it could be you.
• Inevitably, some sweet old soul will walk by at that very minute, tap you on the shoulder with her cane and state, "You look like you have your hands full!" Please try to avoid giving her an atomic wedgie. She's senile and forgets what having kids is like. Smile nicely, even tough your gritted teeth make you look like a horny Cheshire cat.
• Try to be discreet when asking the teenage daughter if she needs more "feminine stuff". The look she will shoot you if you forget and absentmindedly ask loudly would make Carrie and her bucket of blood look like Rainbow Brite and her bucket of sprinkles.
• The lovely sprites who work in the land of Tarjay will have strategically placed items of intense intrigue to children at the checkout. This is the time where you corral them and throw at them whatever boxes of fun, interesting, new snacks you can find in an attempt to be able to swipe your credit card without some kid opening a lighter behind you and setting the trashy magazines ablaze, fueling the fire with squirts from some gross neon sugar slime packaged in a tiny toilet labeled "Sour Flush" found on the bottom shelf conveniently located behind the razors and condoms. 
• Once you arrive at your vehicle, safely ensconce all children inside. THEN, put all your purchases in the back. Close the rear hatch, s-l-o-w-l-y walk the cart to the return, s-l-o-w-l-y walk back, and seriously consider having a seat in the parking lot behind your vehicle to savor your little treat you stealthily sneaked without the kids seeing it. Enjoy the next 30 seconds of quiet between you and that sweet little pack of Kit Kat minis, and pat yourself on the back for making it through alive with the kiddos relatively intact. This time, anyway.

Shopping with kids....

One of my most perfect days ever would involve wearing a favorite cute comfy dress, wearing cute shoes, sipping on a strawberry smoothie, and wandering aimlessly and distractedly around Target looking like an asylum escapee for hours and hours.....
And then this would be my husband when I got home later:

But, usually, my Target trips are more like this...

Geocaching fun

Have you heard of geocaching? I had never heard of that term before until my cousin introduced me to it. It's this cool activity where you go on the internet via your computer or smartphone and you can type in your location and it will pull up all of the nearby hidden "caches" in your area. The really cool thing about it is that the hidden container may just have a slip of paper where you can sign that you found it, or it may also be large enough to contain some little trinkets to look at and trade with if you wish!
If you click on one of the nearby caches and you have the "cgeo" app on your phone, your phone can actually lead you to the gps coordinates with a compass that is surprisingly accurate! Then you look around the area...sometimes they are quite hard to find, and takes a bit of exploring!
I had been trying to brainstorm ideas of activities to do with the kids now that school is out. Then I remembered my cousin mentioning geocaching and decided to give it a whirl today. My husband and I headed out with the 3 middle kids and our neice and a pen and my phone. Our first find was quite near where we live, and we all hooted and hollered when we found that little bottle. The next few required us to head down a grassy and wooded trail. We had a lot of fun racing...until we started spotting woodticks! The ticks were out in full force, but we triumphed over them and found 3 more hidden caches. By the end, our lilly had pulled off over 14 ticks, brennan had 4, brielle had 2, and our neice had 5 or 6. Me and shannnon pulled off quite a bit too! I didn't mind. I like pulling off ticks..ha!
Our excursion ended with a much deserved trip to dairy queen.
Later, after supper, we headed out again, bitten by the addictive geocaching bug...this time with the whole gang. Our teenage daughter had a good time manning the "compass" on my smartphone.  We found 3 more before the babies started getting tired.
The best thing about geocaching? Its completely free! And the thing I love is that we can do it at our own pace, and find as many or as few as we like.
Another neat thing is it leads to to areas in your neighborhood that you might otherwise overlook. We found a ballpark 2 miles from our home that we never knew was there!
We are already planning on searching for geocaches when we go on our family vacation coming up.  As there are literally millions hidden all over the world, we can play "treasure hunt" everywhere we go!
So if you're looking for something unique to do as a family, look no further than your smartphone and your neighborhood. You may be surprised to find out you've been driving past geocaches for years!
Just go to geocaching.com to find out more. Happy hunting!

Sorry guys!

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been keeping up on posts lately. 4 of the 6 have had days with barfs and the craps, so it's been real fun around here. Plus it's been the final week of school, so we've been trying to wrap up all of that noise. But no worries, I still love writing to you, my peeps. Keep on keepin' on...

Just for laughs..