Anti-Depressants and the Modern Mom

In the 60’s it was Valium. A little yellow pill that promised to make a housewife’s daily duties a little easier to bear.  Dubbed “Mother’s Little Helper” in 1966 by the Rolling Stones, Valium rapidly became the most prescribed drug in history. And why not? Women at the time were the quintessential stay at home mom. Responsible for most of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and parenting duties. Fathers in 1965 spent an average of 2.5 hours per week with their children, says USA Today. Not to mention the standard at the time was of hosting elaborate dinner parties, having impeccable manners for herself as well as her children, and making sure her family was dressed perfectly at all times. Need I remind you all that there was NO TARGET at that time?! No Pizza Hut delivery. No McDonald's drive thrus. No Pinterest! (GASP!) No online shopping at night to help ease the stress of a day spent getting pecked to death by the chickens who are our children!

It is of little wonder then, that women were raising their white flags, crying out to their doctors for help. Motherhood is absolutely without a doubt the hardest job a woman will ever have. But was Valium just a band-aid?

Yes, and pills are still being used as band-aids, some people say. This is the subject of a heated debate which is currently running through chat rooms, appearing on talk shows (recently on Anderson Cooper), discussed in magazines and being whispered about at playgroups. Parenting.com reports that more than 1 in 5 adults now take some type of medication to treat a behavioral or psychological disorder. But some moms say that all of this medicating is detrimental to our parenting skills. They argue that medication may dull and cloud our judgements, and is not necessary. Some even go so far as to say that mothers need parenting classes and diet and exercise changes and their anxiety and depression problems will all but disappear.

Here’s the deal. These statements piss me off. Makes me want to karate-kick those soap-boxers in the taco. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure there are a few people out there who get a prescription for Xanax just to get their rocks off. But for the hundreds of moms (and dads!) out there who truly need help to cope with day to day life, their medications are just as much a lifesaver as insulin is to a diabetic.

I speak from experience. I’ve taken some form of anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety for the past 9 years, on and off. Now, for most people, 6 kids alone would be enough to send them over the edge. ;) But back in 2004, I had a 5 year old, and a new baby, and I was going through a very rocky marriage, which ultimately led to divorce. Life was very stressful. At times, I even felt as if I was having an out of body experience, looking down at myself as I sobbed on the floor in the corner, night after night. It was more than just the sadness and pain of an ending relationship. It was as if something in my head had finally snapped. I finally saw my doctor, who, after a very long conversation and many questions, gave me a prescription for an antidepressant. Turns out, mental illness is, in fact, genetic. And it is rampant in my family. Rampant like dirty sweatpants at Wal-Mart. I was prescribed a few different medications, until I found one that worked for me and with me. And I have been on that medication on and off (taking time off during pregnancies) for the past 9 years.

When I have not been taking the medication (during pregnancies or breastfeeding), I feel bad. Really BAD. Small things which would not bother “normal” people, such as a glass of juice tipping over, or finding out the dog dug up my tulips, a spat with the husband, following a slow driver, or burning the dinner, will send me over the edge. I will sob, scream, yell, and since there are a few chips out of our laminate floor, I also have to admit I have thrown things. A few crumbs on the floor will compulse me into sweeping and scrubbing the entire floor. A smudge on a window will force me into cleaning all of the windows in the house. A child’s temper tantrum will make me want to stab myself in the eye repeatedly with a rusty fork. Make that both eyes. This is NOT the version of me I want my kids to see. No amount of exercise or diet change can 100% fix those kinds of psychological issues. And how can exercise help when you are too weighted down by depression to even get off the couch?

When I have been taking my medication, I can absolutely feel the difference. I feel calmer, and I feel like I can slow down and take a deep breath first, before I react. That second in time gives me what I need to be a good mother to my kids. I don’t feel like I am in a daze or fog at all, in fact, I feel more alive and conscious of what is going on around me. I have the energy and motivation to get through my days. Obviously, with 6 children (4 of them 6 and under) some days are still a challenge, and I still get overwhelmed easily. But now it is not EVERY day, ALL the time. I know for a fact that I could not function without medication. I know that there are many more moms like me who need their daily “helper.” I’m not saying everyone need medicating, I’m simply asking that we don’t judge those of us that do. Motherhood is hard enough without dealing with enemy spies in our trenches! Of course, diet and exercise can help with depression and anxiety. Duh. Just eat a few cupcakes- see how jittery and anxious you get! But if exercise and diet aren’t enough to help you, I strongly urge you to consult your family doctor. Between the two of you, you can come up with a plan of action that can best suit your needs. Now I’m off to have a glass of wine. After all, what goes better with wine than a little SSRI?

KIDDING! ;)