Home is where you park it-part 2

Ok people.

You have 8 bodies in about 300 square feet. In August, and it's raining cats and dogs out there. The kids are bored. They are sweaty- the air conditioner isn't keeping up. Every ones crabby. Especially mamma. There's no TV. But there are movie capabilities because that smart mamma rigged up a real fancy unit with a wall mount tv mounted on a few 2x4s and a prayer....but the distraction of Dora doesn't last long. We can't get out, no one can get in. The mud is deep, sticky and slimy. Even our 4 wheel drive truck gets stuck.

I threw my hands in the air. "That's it," I shouted, "We are having our very own MUDMAN!" All the kids cheered! They stripped down to the bare minimum, and rushed outside. At first, they gingerly stepped into the muddy slime. But in no time, they were rolling in it like pigs. Covered head to toe, they ran up and down the huge mountains of black dirt playing king of the hill. They threw it at each other, they fell in it. Then they hooked a sled behind the 4 wheeler, kicked it into 4 wheel drive, and pulled each other through the puddles. The dog ran happily along, her big pink tongue lolling out of her grin.

MUDMAN 2014

Brennan, tickled to be allowed to get this dirty.

Our "shower station" 

The mud is caked on the tires!

Our "dining room"

Little Emily, with mud on her feet, pee in her pants, and holding a toad.

Well, after the kids were completely tuckered out, they all made their way through the shower station to get cleaned up, and back in the camper we went to get a good nights sleep. All August  it went on this way. The rains would come, and immediately it turned to slop. Then we would have a day of sun, and it would harden to a crust. 

September came, and I pulled out my inventory of school supplies, backpacks, and new jeans. The kids needed rides from the shed door down the 1/2 mile long driveway to the bus door to protect their shoes. 

Many pairs of shoes, clothes, and other things were ruined by the mud. It was a constant battle to keep it out of the camper and out of our beds, especially since every bathroom break necessitated a trip outside to the biffy. Many times i washed my feet in the kiddie pool at 3 am after stumbling through the mud.  

As our home was being built, the rain poured water into the basement, and the men slopped around ankle deep in mud. It really was a hard, trying time to keep things clean, and keep things moving along. We shoveled out mud and swept water out of our new basement.

Eventually, things dried out enough to put the roof on and proceed with the house, and the kids were able to get some energy out running through the rooms. I gave them markers to color on the subfloor, and the 2x4's. They had a blast "decorating" and writing little notes through the house. 

The house was almost finished and we moved in on November 1. Three months of camper living made our new home feel like a huge palace. 3 bathrooms, 3 showers, 3 bathtubs. A washer and dryer. A stove with 5 burners. An entry rug. From the biggest things down to the smallest detail, we still appreciate our new home every day. That is the only thing I am glad about with the camper experience. It really gave us and the kids an appreciation for the things we have. 

It still doesn't seem real.

The first amazing night in our new house.

Home is where you park it.....

For 3 months this summer while we built our house, our family of 8 lived in a 36 foot Forest River travel trailer. A camper. A glorified tin can.

Not our exact rig, but pretty cute, nonetheless..

We packed each kid a basket of clothes, a basket of treasured toys, and stuffed a few household essentials. our food, and some favorite possessions into the camper, and carefully boxed up all of the rest of our belongings. We wrapped our furniture and mattresses, and we moved our family out to the country in a convoy of trailers, trucks, and the camper, and into a pole shed where we parked our new "home" and stacked our belongings neatly behind it. Our dining table sat right outside the camper door, ready for wonderful, relaxing meals alfresco with the giant doors of the shed flung open. Our grill sat outside the shed door, LP tank ready and filled, ready for fun meals of hot dogs and burgers, and late night steak meals. I dreamed of dinners with friends and family, lemonade, beer, and listening to the rain drum on the roof.

It was August 7th.

The basement of the new house was dug, and we were underway. There was no turning back.
But we were prepared.
I had everything planned.

At first it was fun. Lazy summer days, kids playing in the woods, trying to avoid the poison ivy, swimming in the lake down the hill. Hanging the laundry up on the line in the sunshine overlooking that lake. It was beautiful and peaceful. I even had a washing machine hooked up to the hose inside the shed. I didn't have a dryer- no matter, sunshine was in good supply.  2 loads a day, standing in the sun. Sheets and towels smelling of warm sunny days.

We didn't have use of our septic system yet, so we were unable to use the camper toilet. So I rented a port-a-potty and parked its blazing blue plastic glory right outside the giant shed door.  We had water, and hooked it up to the camper for washing hands and cooking, and that water just drained into a rock trench outside the shed. We had a water shower doo dad that hooked up to the water hose from the well that was just dug, and on the other end, hooked up to a propane tank, and provided endless hot water, so I rigged it up real nice under a pop-up tent. I strapped the sprayer up with a bungee cord, and we had endless hot water....outside. The kids could get dirty, and I had the water ready to fill up the kiddie pool and give them endless hot baths! It was the perfect solution to 6 dirty kids. Us parents and the teenager showered at night. Under the stars. Nekked. With the mosquitoes and raccoons, Yeah, the teenager didn't want to do that, so she wore her swimsuit all summer.

We made it work. I mean, it had to, we had no other option. We couldn't rent anywhere for just 3 months, and besides, we have a ton of stuff. And a dog. So it was really the only choice. I tried to be optimistic. Really, I did. I thought it was going to be a glorified camping trip.
But then the rains came.

It rained over 9 inches in 3 days.

Our land is 20 acres of pure clay.

Add water to clay and you get the stickiest, most obnoxious mess possible. We couldn't leave, we couldn't even walk across the yard. Our truck got stuck in it, our kids lost shoes in it. We were literally stuck inside the camper.

To be continued.....

The Blur

Hey all you mammas!

Do you ever feel like all you're good for is wiping small butts, making sure diapers are changed, cleaning peanut butter off the windows because you gave the little runt a spoonful to keep him occupied while you answered the phone call from your Dad, and the little monster decided it was good fingerpaint? Do you ever feel like the most you've eaten in weeks is cold chicken nuggets, spoonfuls of mac and cheese, swiped spoonfuls of nutella, and gol-darn-it, your "best" yoga pants are getting tight? Do you feel like the only mom who rushes her kids through target with a time-saving list based on how the store is laid out, but you still end up with a screaming toddler, a missing 4 year old, and a kid whining for lego sets while you look longingly at the coffee leisurely carried by the fabulous put-together business woman with a gorgeous hair blowout wearing boots carrying a Target basket under her arm containing beautiful stationery that won't get torn to shreds by the runt, beautiful woolly socks not claimed by the teenager, fancy shampoo that won't get used as bubble bath by the 4 year old, and organic berries that won't get thrown at the kids in the backseat as "hush food" on the way home? Do you find smashed crackers and sticky suckers stuck in the fibers of your brand new rug that you *just* bought and vow to torture and kill the inventor of Dum Dum suckers? Do you clean out your vehicle and find the answer to the ungodly smell was a rotten cheese stick, 345 stiff french fries, 3 greyish brown limp socks, a fistful of goldfish crackers, and a flaccid yogurt tube? Do you stumble to your bedroom, bleary-eyed, after the 186th narration of "The excavator digs" and the 24th cup of water and the 7th retelling of the reason why Sarah at school is a mean poopy head and they are NOT BFF's anymore, and find out that your kids were actually dumping glitter in your rugs when you thought they were actually being nice and playing quietly? Do you ever feel alone in the trenches of motherhood?

You're not alone. Us mothers feel like we fight a lonely fight on the homefront, defending our sanity and our individuality as women, trying to resist succumbing to the mom-jean wearing, teddy bear sweatshirt wearing, PTA volunteering, bake sale baking, stained zombie shadows of our former selves.

I'm there with you. This is "The Blur." Everything seems to be spinning out of control, so fast, and the days go by way too quickly.
I still wear my maternity robe, even though my youngest is over 2 years old. I haven't had a "hairstyle" other than a bun or ponytail in over 10 years. My favorite pants? 100% stretchy. I have a permanent worry line in the center of my forehead. I don;t wear jewelry because earrings may get pulled out of my ears, necklaces may choke me or break from a toddler pulling on my neck, and rings, including my wedding ring might scratch tender skin during a diaper change. I have forgotten to change out of my stained, holey, saggy butt sweat pants when rushing out the door to pick up milk for the 2 year old who still! takes a bottle at night. I rush to put a healthy home cooked meal on the table each and every night because all the magazines and books say that family meals are so important, even though it takes 2 hours to make, and 10 minutes of sometimes unbearable family togetherness and chaos to wolf down.

I get it. I'm not going to even add the obligatory line in posts like this- you know the one- "But it's ok, the hugs and kisses make up for all of it.." Because you know what? After a really hard, challenging, looong day, sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes you still want to run away. To Mexico. Away from to-do lists and homework, and boy scouts and bake sales and sports practice and driver's ed and family dinners and trying to look sexy for your husband on 4 hours of interrupted sleep and being patient with the dog who rips apart the garbage and scatters it throughout the yard and trying to dress your kids like the adorable pictures of your mom friends' kids you see on Facebook, and trying to do cool crafts like the moms you see on Pinterest......all while looking at your children lovingly like the Rice Krispie commercials...
You know what? It's ok if you still want to run away. It's ok if your life isn't picture perfect. That's ok. It's really ok. It doesn't make you a horrible mom. It makes you a real one. And just to pop the hole in that perfection balloon, no mom has it all together, even if it appears that way. It's time to shatter that illusion. 

Bathroom Adventures. Warning: not for the "prim and proper" reader.

This week has been interesting in the bathroom department. More than usual. On Friday I took my 3 little ones to the mall. It's not too far away, and I love going there because there is a little play area with lots of germy things to climb on. I usually get a coffee and let the kiddies run like wild animals through the Serengeti.

Like I said, we headed to the mall Friday because I needed to buy spring jackets for the girls. We got going right away. I swung through McDonald's and got my usual coffee, but upgraded to a large because I was already wiped and it was only 9 am. So we arrived at the mall and I got us settled in the play area because the mall stores weren't open yet. I was thoroughly enjoying my latte and the peacefulness of children letting off steam.

After about 20 minutes, I could feel the coffee "getting the pipes movin" if you know what I mean. I barely got the kid's shoes on, when it became apparent that this was an urgent situation. Brielle starts yelling that she has to pee too, and at this point I was gripping the strap of my purse, and starting to sweat. If you have ever tried to get 3 small children moving in any direction at a quick pace, believe me-it's like herding turtles.

Turtles that scatter.

We finally get into the family bathroom..the big kind with both the kid toilet and the adult size toilet, and I frantically lock the door and race to the toilet, ripping down my pants. Brielle gets on the kid potty, and we both let it fly. My pants are around my ankles, I've got the raging, burning trots, and in sloooow motion, Mickey looks at me, then opens the bathroom door. There I am, sweaty, gripping the handicapped handles, pants around my ankles, and there is a group of grey haired mall walkers and moms with strollers right there. In absolute shock.  I stuff a bunch of tp between my legs and quick as I can, hobble to the door, knocking over Emily, who starts to scream. Mike is trying to escape, and Brielle, who was trying to see out the door, has slipped her hand into her potty chair.

I'll just "cut" at that.

What a fantastic time that was.

Sunday was better.

Me and the hubs took the 4 youngest to the local parade of homes. You can walk through new houses and get building ideas. Anyway, we were only 3 homes in, and like usual, I had had one of my favorite lattes. This time, I really needed to pee. Like you know, I have 6 babies. You just can't ignore mother nature anymore when she calls after 6 kids. I was on the verge of an accident. I was in pain. Pain. I was frantically looking for a gas station, gravel road, portapotty, anything. We were in the middle of nowhere, but there were houses around. Finally, we got to the address of the house we were going to look at and I had a lightbulb moment...my husband's coffee cup was empty! I asked my husband to go on in without me and I scrambled to the backseat of our Yukon, just about losing my questionable grip on my poor weak bladder.

There were vehicles around, so I discreetly pulled down my pants, and just as I did so, it let go. I barely caught the thunderous flood in the cup. Ahhh.
Ahhh.
Ahhh! Yes!
Ahhhhhh.....OHDAMMITSHITTHECUPSNOTBIGENOUGH!!!!

You know the scene in Dumb and Dumber where the guy keeps filling beer bottles?

That was me.
Except I only had 1 cup.
But I had a scarf!

I peed on my scarf. My lovely blue soft scarf.
The scarf I wear all the time.

I defiled my lovely scarf, and splattered coffee-smelling pee all over the door, my pants and the seat. Thank heaven for leather seats, and baby wipes, and tinted windows. Even though the realtor of  the house was right in front of me, futzing with something in the back of her suv, she was oblivious to my obscenity. 

Again, "end scene."

I'm totally comfortable never again repeating those events.
Ever.

Adventures in Dating my Kids.

At our church, I've been taking a parenting bible class. It's been really fun, and generally makes me feel like a lousy outstanding parent. Yes, it's been a good learning experience. Something I've learned that I need to start doing is spend some time alone with each child. Like a mommy-date if you will.  At first I thought, Yeah, right! I barely have time to poop alone, and when I do snatch time alone, I run zig zagging, looking over my shoulder like an asylum escapee waiting for the shot of tranquilizers in my back!

But then I thought it over a bit and realized that my kids would probably enjoy it because I am awesomesauce...... ~sigh.~ 

So I started with the oldest kid.

On that Thursday when my sitter came, I reluctantly went and picked up Jaeli from school. Seeing her excited 14 year old face made me hope this would be fun and it would be ok that I forfeited my "mommy alone shopping time A.K.A. Target wandering time" for "one on one kid date time". (Because, as you know, most 14 year old kids turn into 16 year old kids who can't stand to be around their parents. We've all been there.)

We headed to the mall- the cornucopia of all things fun and teenagery- fancy $10 coffees and smoothies at Caribou, cool cheap clothing stores like Forever 21 and Deb, and plenty of hot teenage boy oogling. (For my daughter. Not me.)

The first thing we did was get some ridiculously expensive coffee drinks. I love strolling through the mall with a hot coffee in hand. It relaxes me. We spent a couple of hours browsing clothes, laughing at hairstyles (there was sure alot of throwback 80's mom hair out that day!), and taking stupid looking "selfies." It was fun, and I know my daughter enjoyed having me all to herself. I know that someday she may not want to hang out with me in favor of giggling about me to her friends, but that day is not here yet, and she had a good time with her old mom. I learned something kinda cool about her. She's apparently taken on her step-dad's spending habits...in that she doesn't like to spend her money. At all. It's kind of funny and curious to me, a self-proclaimed shopaholic. But I'm glad for her. And she's oblivious to boys looking at her. For now. (While her back was turned I punched the boys in the throat and drug them behind the displays.)

(Not drugged. Dragged. I dragged them. I did NOT drug them....)

Anyway, we had a good time.

The next week, I again succumbed to the guilt of needing to spend one-on-one time and took one of my other daughters, Brielle.

Brielle is a girly girl, and totally dressed up for our date. We talked about school on the ride to the bakery. We chose the bakery because #1) I love the bakery. #2) She loves sweets too! We ordered these lovely huge cookies covered in frosting and giggled when our teeth turned green from the colors.

We went to Target and bought lots of things, talking and laughing like we never do at home. To tell you the truth, we don't really get along alot. We butt heads. She's kinda bratty and stubborn. And so am I.

So I was really happy when she slipped her little nail polished fingers in mine and grinned up at me and told me how much fun she was having. I was surprised that I was having a genuinely fun time too. She sweet- talked me into buying a headband (for her 100th day of school), a necklace at the Limited (they were buy one get one), and new socks and leggings (because they were leopard...Who needs an excuse to buy anything leopard?!) Funny thing about her is she has excellent taste in outfits. She's only 5, but she dresses up like she's meeting the Queen of England most days. She picked out a bra set for me. (Of course it's her favorite color- pink.) I loved it!

We had a really fun time too.

This week was the boy's birthday. I have 2 boys, but one is the baby. So this one is The Boy. It's also my OTHER daughter's birthday. So me and my husband decided to surprise them with a trip to Airmaxx, a local trampoline park. We headed out after school, and they were so excited when we arrived! Just the two of them, and the two of us!

We purchased the required socks and I surprised my husband by telling him that we were jumping too. I used the bathroom because, you know, after 6 kids your bladder really doesn't need any extra excuse to dribble everywhere. Let alone the bouncing on the trampoline action. And after 2 cups of tea!

Anyhoo, I had thought ahead and thank goodness wore a sports bra because I figured I didn't want to take any kids' eyes out with my boombooms.

The kids (and us!) had an absolute blast! We raced each other, pushed each other, pelted each other with dodgeballs, did somersaults (and I peed a little), did cheerleader-style toe-touches (peed a little more), and bounced off the walls. (and peed a lot.) Daddy tried some cool jumping moves...massive FAIL. Daddy and I laughed about the controlfreakonapowertripwithawhistle girl who kept giving our rowdy family dirty looks. "Don't climb on that!" "NO diving into the foam blocks!" "NO running!" "NO having FUN!!!!" Yeesh. Takes her job very serious! (Side note: Why is there always one of these people no matter where you go? Waterpark, Zoo, Themepark, Amusement Park. Always some teenager on a power trip. Weird.)

The kids got special slushies, and we headed to the wonderful magic mall for their birthday gifts. After spending literally 45 minutes of each of them trying to find the PERFECT lego set, we ate and shared dinner in the food court. We had a fantastic time. (I *may* have smelled like pee. But I blamed it on the chinese food.)

I am now convinced of the valuableness of this one-on-one time with them. Or two on two. It has been so much fun to spend time with them away from the herd. They are so much different alone than together. More fun. More talkative. More cute.

I'm finding that I "like" them more for them. Not just loving them because they are my kids. I mean, that's a given, but having fun and laughing is what I'm good at. (Like the only thing, really.) And it turns out, they are good at it too! Spend some time alone with your kids. Even if all you do is board the mothership, Target. They will have a fun time having you to themselves, and you will learn funny things about them.